we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
