While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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