but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
