I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
