Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
