I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
