You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
