Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
