i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish my penis had a tongue
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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