This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
