my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
