I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
40s are totally the cure
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
