a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
