My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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