your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
