I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
