I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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