so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
