i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
