do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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