i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she pinky promised me she was 18
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
