This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
