Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize