i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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