He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
