he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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