Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
