We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
