I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
