he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
