i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
