I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
