Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
