Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
