I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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