I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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