Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
