I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
