White coat. Heels.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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