I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
