haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
