sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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