not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
