You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
