after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
