two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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