You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize