He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize