you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
