I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
