the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
