I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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