What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
