I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
