When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
