just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
