Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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