i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
