idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
