Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
