We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
