is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
