Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
