which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
