woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found your dick twin last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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