I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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