Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
