I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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