i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
