Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize