i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
