What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
