they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
