I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
