The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
