i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
