Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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