finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
