Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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