Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
