whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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