I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
