bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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