I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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