I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
