i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
