from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
