Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
