woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
