That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
