I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
