Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
