Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
