Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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