Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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