My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
